What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
