8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
