Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
