1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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