your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?