Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!