I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.