tell your sister to shave her snatch
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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