I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't deserve a penis
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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