C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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