Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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