my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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