The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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