just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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