hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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