dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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