I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need a beard to bite.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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