It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
