we have officially lost it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
