Yo dont text me then not text me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
