I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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