wakey wakey hands off snakey
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
