He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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