you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
