My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
