Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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