Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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