What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
