Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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