Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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