How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
