im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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