i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hippo gnu deer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
