yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
