i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
