Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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