Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
