yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
