we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
