A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
