4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
