the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
