My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize