did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
