You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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