I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
