I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My feet surprised me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
