Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
