Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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