i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
