the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
