Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
did i just pee glitter
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
