I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
