So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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