the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
