Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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