In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
