Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
