i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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