Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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