Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
