i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
