The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Randomize
