My room smells like vodka and shame
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
