why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he puts the penis in happiness.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
