Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
