life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
