is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
